More St. Paul

Great Wall of Pottery Debuts in St. Paul

The Great Wall of Pottery was unveiled last weekend at the American Craft Show in St. Paul.

Alternate Jurors Take Minnesota Vacation.

The alternate jurors posed for photographs at the St. Paul American Craft Show.

Jury Alternates Selected.

Five alternate jurors posed for a photograph at the courthouse this afternoon. All jurors and alternates refused to answer questions from the press.

Exclusive Jury Photo.

After several days of secret deliberation a jury has been selected for the much anticipated Teapot Murder Trial. Ten jurors have been selected from a large pool of citizens called for jury duty during the week of April 7th.

Meeting.

l. We have so much in common.

r. We're so different.

l. You're so ruggedly handsome.

r. You're so shiny and smooth.

l. No one will understand.

r. Nothing can happen until after the trial.

l. We have to behave like adults.

r. It's going to be difficult.

l. I have to keep you out of jail.

r. I don't trust myself, we can't be alone again.

Friday Night.

l. How was your day?

r. O.K., I made some good tips at lunch.

l. Nobody paid any attention to my playing today.

c. So, did you get it?

l. I think I have to try a different neighborhood. Get what?

c. A summons.

l. Yeah, I got one.

r. It's working well for me outside of that restaurant, if nobody hassles me I'll try to stay there. You got a summons yesterday?

l. Yeah.

r. That's strange, I got one yesterday too.

l. Are you going to try to get out of it?

r. I don't think so, I've used up all my excuses.

c. What's your day?

r. April 15th.

l. Me too.

r. That's great, we'll mail our tax returns, then spend the day playing cards at the court house. We could go out to lunch together.

c. I'm bringing my lunch. Too many bills to pay. You wouldn't believe the pile on my desk.

r. I brought the beer.

l. I'll have to pay next week, I'm broke.

r. That's o.k., we can play together outside the courthouse at lunch and pick up some extra change.

c. Do you think they'll let us bring our instruments inside? Our horns may set off the metal detectors.

Conversation Overheard.

l. Did you check your mail today?

r. No, my mail comes in the afternoon but it's been late the past week.

l. I got a summons for jury duty.

r. I think my regular mail guy is on vacation because I'm finding it on the floor instead of the mail box.

l. What a pain. I've got a million things to do. I can't afford to take a day off work.

r. I wonder when the regular mail guy is coming back? He’s been gone for weeks.

l. I think they pay 15 bucks for a day. I've got bills to pay, last time they called me for jury duty I sat around for a day and they never called anyone to a jury.

r. Maybe he had an accident. I wouldn’t want to deliver mail in this neighborhood with the dogs, holes in the sidewalks, and this winter we’ve had.

l. Big waste of time if you ask me. I didn't bring enough food, ate ten packs of peanut butter crackers from the vending machine, cost me about a quarter of my days pay for the crackers.

r. Maybe the mail man quit.

l. I'm going to bring a good lunch the day I go. Chips, a sandwich, cookies, maybe a hard boiled egg.

r. You should stop complaining. Someone has to sit on the jury.

l. I get hungry, at 10 am I'm starving. I can't go till noon with out eating if I sit on a jury.

r. If they only had people who sat around all day and watched Maury Povich, think of the mess we'd be in. Working people have got to be on juries.

l. How am I supposed to pay attention with low blood sugar?

r. I haven't been called for jury duty for ages. I can't remember the last time, maybe 8 or 9 years ago.

l. I get picked all the time. I'm not sure why.

r. I'm gonna go home and check my mail. I'm expecting a tax rebate check. I want to get it before it's stolen.

l. Maybe you’ll get a summons too.

r. The people in my building never throw out the junk mail. The foyer's a mess, it gets on my nerves.

l. See you at the gig tonight.

r. I wouldn't mind a few days on the dole. If you don't want to do the jury, I'll go instead. Look at us, we wear the same color hat, no one would notice the difference.

Striped Bactrian Joins Suspect List.

Authorities recently learned of an intense rivalry between Striped Camel and the deceased Teapot. On the evening before the murder witnesses watched both parties imbibe large quantities of Luxor XXX Malt Liquor in an attempt to determine who holds the largest volume of liquid. The final sighting of Teapot was with the sloppily drunk camel in the alley behind the studio.

Severed Dog's Head Found in Prosecutor's Bed.

The Special Prosecutor woke this morning to find a severed greyhound's head resting next to him in bed. "The placement of the head is clearly an attempt at intimidation by the Teapot murderer," said Mr. Quackengoose " This will have no affect on my resolve to bring this vicious monster to justice. The killer has no respect for earthenware and will break anything that gets in his way."

Special Prosecutor Walter Quackengoose Returns from Florida Vacation.

The Special Prosecutor flew into town today on a hastily arranged trip with a Northbound flock of Canadian Geese en route to Fermilab in Batavia Illinois. After a brief visit to the local Whole Foods market for organic salad and gluten free beer the exhausted attorney went directly to work reviewing evidence for the upcoming Teapot Murder trial. When asked to comment about an impending indictment the Prosecutor ruffled his feathers and walked into his office. Splashing sounds were heard as he worked late into the evening hours.

Twin's Family is Outraged, Hires Famous Attorney Duo.

This evening well known defense attorneys Bird & Bird announced they have been retained by the Twin's Ohio family to represent them in the upcoming Teapot murder trial. "We are pleased to be able to work on behalf of the Twins. Their family won't stand by and allow the Twins to be represented by overworked, philandering, inebriated public attorneys. We are early risers, well organized, and always well dressed. It is common knowledge that a diet of fresh fish with a little salt and pepper provides the powers of concentration required to outwit any prosecutor and convince the jury that our clients are innocent. "

New Public Defender is Assigned to Twins Case.

Shortly after the resignation of C. Robert Weasel, the Public Defenders office announced that attorney Bother Frumpmess has been assigned to take over the defense of the Twins. When reached for comment by telephone, Mr. Frumpmess commented that he is on a reduced caseload since his return from a leave of absence. "I was dealing with some personal matters that needed to be taken care of" said the Attorney when he was asked about his recent leave. "My reduced caseload will allow me to pay special attention to the plight of the Twins."

Public Defender Resigns.

At a press conference this afternoon Public Defender C. Robert Weasel announced his resignation with his wife standing silently by his side. Several reporters asked for further comment about the Public Defenders plans, whether he had retained an attorney, and if he had heard any news of an impending indictment. Mr. Weasel refused further comment. He and his wife left the podium abruptly and were driven away by a black Cadillac waiting for them on the street.

Twins Attorney, Lobster Lady and Triplets Implicated in "Agency" Scandal

In this morning's press conference Whistleblower alleged that Lobster Lady is the head of an "agency" that has arranged numerous "meetings" between the Twin's attorney and the Triplets. The Triplets, petite blondes who weigh 2.2 ounces each and sport multi colored tails, reside on one of the many shelves in close proximity to the studio. Whistleblower showed various charges to the Lobster Agency in the amounts of ten and twenty dollars on copies of Mr. Weasel's Mastercard bill which she claims to have retrieved from the studio trash. In an off the record interview, an attorney who works for the public defenders office expressed his surprise at Mr. Weasel's behavior. "I never would have expected this type of thing from C. Robert. He's always been an upstanding citizen and truly believes in the law of the land. It must have been the stress of handling 300 cases at a time that got him into this trouble. I feel so badly for his wife and children."

Whistleblower Comes Forward In Murder Case.

A previously unknown ceramic figure spoke to a Tuesday Journal reporter this weekend. The whistleblower purports to have incriminating evidence linking Lobster Lady to the Public Defenders office. She claims that the motivation for Lobster Lady's "passionate plea" will come under scrutiny and has called for a press conference tomorrow morning. In the meantime, the Twins, Goblet, and Red Teapot are under house arrest.

Jar Says Goodbye to Studio.

b. Hi, What's your name?

j. Green Jar With Two Houses and Big Red Flowers.

b. I heard you wanted to say goodbye. Any reason in particular?

j. I just got out of the kiln today. I'm about to be packed in a box with a bunch of the other pots that were in the kiln with me. They tell me we're going for a ride in a yellow truck.

b. Where are you going?

j. Someone said Iowa.

b. What are you going there for?

j. They tell me there's a really nice store where I'll meet lots of other nice pots and maybe someone who wants to take me home.

b. What's this store called?

j. I think it's called Sticks Gallery, 521 East Locust, Des Moines

b. I've heard of that place. They have lots of cool stuff. We sent some pots there a while ago, they were nice.

j. I'm a little nervous about going.

b. That's completely normal. It'll be fine.

j. What if we get lost on the way there?

b. It'll never happen. Have you ever heard of a tracking number?

j. Is that like GPS?

b. Not exactly, but kind of related.

j. Well bye then.

b. nancy told me to tell you she's gonna miss you.

House Number 12 Hunted and Captured by Prettylittlethings Blog

nancyandburt Worldwide is please to announce that House # 12 was hunted and captured today by Lori of the Prettylittlethings blog.House # 12 is currently visiting some very nice houses on the Prettylittlethings blog page. We are pleased when our houses go out in the world and meet other houses from different backgrounds and parts of the world. Thank you Lori for being such a good host to our house!

Lobster Lady Holds Press Conference and Makes Passionate Plea. "The killer is still at large".

Lobster Lady, who lives in close proximity to the studio, convened a press conference this afternoon. She urged the Police to continue their search for the teapot murderer. "I won't feel safe until the killer is arrested. I'm intimately acquainted with everything that happens in the studio and I can assure you that none of the suspects could possibly have laid a hand on that teapot. The police are jumping to conclusions and trying to solve the case without enough evidence."

"The suspects all have alibis. The Red Teapot has been planning a vacation for months and was waiting for a bargain airfare. The twins were on their way to the annual meeting of the Multiple Birth Association in Las Vegas. They forgot to tell their neighbor they were borrowing her car. Goblet has been hitching around town for years, he's got no money, he can't get a job. Look at his face, would you hire him for anything?"

" We are all still at risk. This killer could strike again at any moment".

Red Teapot is Brought in For Questioning.

The third suspect in the case of the Oak Park Teapot Slaying was arrested this afternoon at the Main Branch of the Oak Park Public Library. The unusual teapot was noticed by library personnel as she rode up the escalator to the second floor. A librarian called the police when an e-ticket for a one way trip to the Grenadine Islands was found in the paper tray of the network printer. The suspect was using a browser on a computer but managed to clear private data before authorities could see who she was communicating with. The suspect is considered a flight risk and is being held without bail.

Public Defender Assigned to Twins.

So far the Twin's plea for assistance to family and friends in Ohio has been ignored. Attorney C. Robert Weasel was appointed today by the public defender's office to assist the Twins in preparation for trial. "I know I'm working on 3oo cases and need an occasional nap during the day, but I promise to work hard to prove my client's innocence. The evidence I've seen so far is purely circumstantial", said Weasel. Weasel was recently in the news for defending a Sea Lion at the Lincoln Park Zoo. His client (who was acquitted) attempted to kill a teenager who had been harassing him before the zoo closed for the day.

Deceased Teapot Saves A Life Through Organ Donation.

Living with a transplant has vastly improved the life of a small red teapot that had been stranded in storage at a local retailer. "I know it isn't a perfect match, but now I can join the rest of the pottery in the store. I'm glad to live with the slightly loose fit, clashing colors and anti- rejection drugs. It's like starting my life all over again. I'm forever grateful to that teapot who had the foresight to register as an organ donor".

Dramatic Arrest On Oak Park Boulevard.

Police claim the suspect resisted arrest when he was found hitch hiking on Oak Park Boulevard. "He gave us no response when we asked him where he was going. Why was he trying to get out of town, why the nervous grin and silence? We took one look at that face and knew he was up to no good" says Oak Park detective Shoenfli Ferret.

Foxer Bogle, Goblet's attorney, claims, "This is nothing but harassment. The police are profiling my client. Just because he has a nervous grin and resembles a skull and lives near the studio and was found hitch hiking on Oak Park Boulevard and has been known to congregate on the hutch with the twins, they assume he's a killer. This is the laziest police work I've ever seen."

Twins Caught With Stolen Car.

In a routine traffic stop the twins were pulled over in this stolen silver Ford. Suspicious of the unusual cargo in the rear, state police found containers of unknown substances which have been sent to the crime lab for testing. The pickup had been reported stolen from the Oak Park garage behind the studio. The state attorney's office has not made any announcements yet but it is believed that an indictment will be made shortly.

Authorities Make First Arrest.

These twins from Ohio were arrested as they were about to cross the Illinois state line.